Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
farters have to be the big spoon...
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
