i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
