So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
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i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
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I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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