Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
