I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize