thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
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he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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