I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
