you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Randomize
