dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
