You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
