I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
