dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
