The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
