i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
