Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
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I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
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I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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