i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
