...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I just found a bag of teeth...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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