I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
