an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize