That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
