I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
