Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
