I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I believe in your delicious
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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