Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
