I hate your face
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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