We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
