Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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