I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
