I hate all girls vehemently.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
