your thong is hanging out like whoa
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize