Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
