Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
