do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
