I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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