i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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