I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
If I die, sorry about rent.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
