Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
