He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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