You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
