I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
