You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
