just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
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so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
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They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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