I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I am available for nakedness
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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