Your tits are I can't wait for
Jerry, you need to find god
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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