i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
