We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
