A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
