ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
