eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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