he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
