I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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