1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
