I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
