the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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