guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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