You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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