the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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