Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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