i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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