The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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