Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
