May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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