i need an iv and a liver transplant
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
