Cold hands, warm shart.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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